


The Universe Doesn’t Give You What You Ask

by skybluethoughts



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Gen, I wrote this because Endgame made me depressed, King Thor (Marvel), My boys need to start a sad boi club, Not Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Compliant, Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), That movie doesn’t exist in this universe, They’re bros and nobody can tell me otherwise, Thor (Marvel) Angst, Thor (Marvel) Feels, Thor (Marvel) Needs a Hug, Thor is Big Sad, Tony Stark & Thor Friendship, Tony Stark Feels, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Tony is big sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-14
Updated: 2019-06-14
Packaged: 2020-05-07 18:24:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,059
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19215007
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/skybluethoughts/pseuds/skybluethoughts
Summary: Choices were made during the fight against Thanos. While some seemed to be justified, there were two choices that haunted the minds of two Avengers. Loki had given up the space stone to save Thor, and Doctor Strange had traded the time stone to save Tony.Once the dust is settled, both the god of thunder and the genius are stuck feeling as if they were at fault for it all. Guilt is thicker than molasses, but sometimes sharing the pain is better motivator than one would think.[this is literally post iw angst staring Thor and Tony]





	The Universe Doesn’t Give You What You Ask

**Author's Note:**

> Title taken from a quote by Dr. Steve Maraboli
> 
> Endgame made me so mad, so now I’m living in a fantasy world where it doesn’t exist. Also I was just being sad and transferred that onto these characters because what else was I supposed to do? Talk about my problems? Hilarious.

Nobody seems to get it. Not Rhodey, not Bruce, not Natasha, not Steve, and not that talking raccoon that Tony has yet to learn the name of. Nebula gets it in a Nebula sort of way, but even she doesn't fully understand. How could she? She herself was her own person who experienced emotions on another side of the spectrum than Tony.

 _Nobody_ seemed to get the guilt that Tony felt. His life was traded for the time stone. Half of all life gone because a Bleecker Street wizard gave up the said stone he had sworn to protect. The same stone that he said he would not care if Tony or Peter died along the way. Were all his words a front? Because, in the end, Tony's _life_ was spared when Strange handed over the time stone to Thanos, and now trillions of lives were lost. It was Tony's fault. All his and no one else's.

They could tell him all day and all night that the fault wasn't in Tony's hands but in Thanos' instead, but Tony wouldn't believe. He knew better than to believe them. He knew because it was _his_ life that was saved while trillions of others were erased from existence, not theirs. Maybe if they had almost died only to be saved by another handing over an infinity stone to Thanos they would understand. Maybe then they would understand Tony's guilt.

Nebula, too, was spared when Gamora told Thanos the location of the soul stone, but, unlike Tony, Nebula knew it was Thanos' fault that half of all life was nothing but ash. She had been with Thanos long enough to realize when something was her fault and when it wasn't. Instead her grief was the fact that Nebula paid her salvation with Gamora dying as a direct result. That weighed heavier on her conscious, not the fact that she's still alive because the soul stone was given to Thanos. So she understood just not in the same context as Tony would have liked.

It was Tony's fault that Peter Parker had died in his arms, pleading with all that he had left wishing not to go, to be nothing but dust on a forgotten planet. It was Tony's fault that the talking raccoon no longer had a team to call as his own. It was Tony's fault that Strange did the antithesis of what he had said he would do. It was all Tony's fault because he was still alive because of an exchange he had taken no part in.

Pepper could tell him all she wanted that it wasn't his fault, and that he should be thankful he was still alive, but how could Tony listen to that? Why should he be thankful that he was still alive while trillions perished at his expense? And he can't be thankful because Peter was dead and that was on him.

_What if somebody had died tonight? Different story, right? 'Cause that's on you. And if you died, I feel like that's on me._

"Hey, Tony. I'm going to need you to breathe. Look at me. Hey, Tones look at me. Damn it, Tony, you need to breathe," somebody tried to tell him. Who was it? Rhodey, that's right. He needed to breathe. Yeah, good advice. He should go tell that to a fish that's out of water. See what response he gets then. The fish would just flop around and die, yet Tony listened and did as told. He wouldn't die, but he wished he could.

"There you go. Deep breathes. Focus on my voice. There we go. That's good. You're back. It's okay. Everything is okay."

Tony was finally back to himself and not trapped inside his mind. "It's not though," was the first words he uttered. "Everything isn't okay. Damn it, Rhodes, half the universe is dead because of me! Don't tell me everything is okay when everything is clearly not okay!"

"Tony, look at me." Tony did just that. Rhodey looked on with him with sincere concern. The others in the room watched on with pity. Not that Tony needed pity, but if it helped them sleep at night, then so be it. Let them pity him. "You need to use that brain of yours and think logically. It's Thanos' fault, not yours. You hear me?"

Tony nodded because what else was he supposed to do. There was no point in arguing back. Nobody understood but him. He couldn't force his thoughts upon everyone else. It just wasn't possible. The rational part of Tony's brain knew Rhodey was right, but the part controlled by emotions thought otherwise.

"Tell me that when half the universe is dead because an infinity stone was given to Thanos to save your life." The response Tony received was the sound of heavy footsteps and the slam of a door, but Tony didn't see anyone move. Was there someone else in the room? Rhodey was still here, so was Natasha, Bruce, and Steve. Nebula and the raccoon were in the room as well, but Tony was in a position that he couldn't see them. Plus the footsteps were too heavy to belong to either of them.

Tony watched as Bruce looked on somewhere behind Tony with a forlorn face. "Shit," Bruce muttered loud enough for Tony to hear.

"Shit? What's shit?" Tony was generally confused. He's been back from space for over a week now and hasn't seen anyone else but those in the room. Well, he's seen Pepper and Happy, but the two weren't currently in the building. "Who just left?"

He examined his team's faces in hopes of getting any inkling to what was going on, but Tony got nothing. Had he missed something? Who else was in the building that Tony hasn't seen this whole week?

Bruce ran a hand through his hair and looked around in a controlled panic. "I'll be back." He walked past Tony and left the room after whoever had left rather abruptly.

Tony just wanted to know what was going on. "Hello, is anyone going to answer me? What the hell was that?"

Steve turned towards Tony with a similar look that Bruce has worn. "Don't worry about it. Let's come back to this meeting later. I think we could all use it," Steve said.

Fine. If no one is going to tell Tony what just happened, then he was going to find out himself. "Okay, well this was fun." Tony clapped his hands together. "How about we continue with this tomorrow. Good? Good." He got up and walked out in the direction Bruce had left.

While he was walking, Tony tried to make sense of the situation. There had been another person in the room that Tony was unaware of. Said person must have entered when Tony was having his panic attack, which would explain why he hadn't seen the person at the beginning of the meeting. What could have made the person walk out, though? It hit Tony like a wave coming crashing down on him. He had said that his life was traded for a stone the second before they had stormed out. Was there someone left who understood?

The halls were silent as Tony made his was through them. He looked everywhere as he walked. He needed to find Bruce. Bruce had gone after the person, so maybe Tony could finally figure out who was silently hiding out in the compound. Who was gone? That would be more helpful to determine who it might have been.

Peter was gone. The Guardians were gone. Strange was gone. Sam, Wanda, and Vision were gone. Both T'Challa and his younger sister, Shuri, were gone. Barnes was gone. There was no word on Scott. Clint, according to Natasha, wasn't gone but he wasn't present either. Who hadn't they mentioned? Who of his team was still alive?

Tony thought back to when the team first formed. How he wished he could go back to that? Sure Loki was trying to rule over Earth, but he was able to be defeated. Tony would take Loki and the Chitauri army on any day over Thanos because at least half of all life wouldn't be turned to ash. Steve was here, along with Bruce, Natasha, himself, and, oh... Tony figured out the puzzle, and the answer was Thor.

Thinking about it made sense. The heavy footfalls could only belong to the god. His name was never mentioned as one of the fallen, so he had to be still alive. Plus the Guardians had seen him, and since one of the Guardians were here on Earth, Thor could be as well. Bruce had told him days ago that Thor was gone, but he never said dead. The only question that remained in Tony's brain was why? If it was Thor that had stormed out, why did he?

Tony ran into Bruce a moment later. He steadied his friend and looked him in the eyes. "It's Thor, right? No one would tell me, but I'm correct, yeah?"

Bruce shook his head. "If you're looking for him, I can't help you. I tried to go after him, but I couldn't find him." The two started walking in the direction that Bruce had previously come from.

"I haven't seen him at all this whole week. What's up with that?"

"None of us have really seen him since we got here, if I'm being completely honest. He's kind of shut everyone out."

Tony quirked up an eyebrow. "I don't know about you, but that sounds a lot different than what's normal. Do you know what happened?"

Bruce shrugged his shoulders. "Kind of. I don't know. A lot has happened all so fast, its probably all catching up to him now."

"Worst than Cap and I falling out, and effectively destroying the team?"

"I would say so. I don't remember much as I was Hulk for the majority of the time, but from what I remember, it was bad." They stayed in silence after that. Bruce eventually branched off into another hallway as Tony continued down his path.

He kept on walking and walking, eventually forgetting what he had originally set out for. Tony just needed to relax, so he made his way to the nearest lab. There he tinkered anything that came in sight. In the lab Tony was able to leave the harsh reality of the outside world for just a bit. Time he would be grateful for, for here in his lab he was not the man that doomed the universe, just a man in his element.

Tony pulled up a holographic display to look at the status of the building and it's occupants. Everything seemed to be in perfect order; not a number out of place. Tony switched his focus from the building diagnostics to the occupants. Some of the Avengers—Steve, Natasha, and Bruce—were in the lower level kitchen. Rhodey was in a conference room doing a virtual meeting with the remaining Accords committee. Nebula and the raccoon, who's name was displayed as Rocket, sat in a courtyard. The last name Tony checked happened to be of the one he had been searching for. Thor was sitting on the roof of the compound.

* * *

 

When they had landed outside the Avengers compound late in the night, Thor immediately had veered off from the group. He needed some time by himself to fully comprehend all that had happened. It all started when Thor had made his way back to Asgard. From there, everything began to fall apart. Odin had died releasing Hela. While Thor was stranded on Sakaar, Asgard suffered under Hela. Thor's friends stood no chance against her; he never got to say goodbye. At his command, Ragnarok was initiated. His home, the one constant he could always come back to, now nothing but floating ruble.

Thor thought that was the worst that could happen. Although he had lost so much already, he still had most of Asgard, he had Bruce and the Hulk, he had Valkyrie, he had Heimdall, he had _Loki_. Then Thanos came and ripped all that Thor had left apart. Half of the remaining Asgardians slaughtered as if they were nothing but pests. Valkyrie and Korg were now lightyears away with the remaining half—assuming they had survived Thanos' snap that is. Heimdall was stabbed through the heart, his last act one of bravery. He was Asgard's first line of defense to the very end.

_Loki._

From youth Thor had always dreamt of having his brother at his side when he took up the crown. For once in his life it seemed like that childish dream was coming to have some merit. Thor should have held onto those moments harder. Loki, as clever as he was, thought it wise to pull a knife on Thanos. In one last defiance, the god of mischief could hold nothing but a knife. The knife, a small glimmer of hope that Loki had held onto. Both Thor and Loki knew it was a lost cause, but Loki still tried. With that, Thor's finals sting to his past was violently ripped away from him.

The death still haunted him. Loki's, Heimdall's, Asgard's. When Thor closed his eyes, death was all he could see. Thor now only wished that Loki had let Thanos kill him with the power stone. Thanos has said, "Your brother or the stone." Loki should have never given up the tesseract to save Thor. It would have been better if Thor had just died then. Thor should have died instead of Loki and instead of Heimdall and instead of half of all life.

Death filled his eyes and his ears were filled with two distinct snaps. The snap of his brother's neck followed Thor from the moment he awoke on the Guardians' ship. For a brief spell of time it kept Thor going. It was a reminder of what he had to fight for. If Loki has to die, at least let it be for a reason. At least let Thor inflict the same pain to Thanos that Thanos had brought to Thor's people, to Heimdall, and to Loki. That snap had once been a motivator, now it was a nightmare. The snap of the gauntlet was the second sound. It was the sound of failure and guilt. It ate Thor away every second.

_Snap._

The sound of his brother's neck breaking.

_ Snap. _

The sound of the metal gauntlet wiping out half of all life.

_ Snap. _

The sound of failure.

_ Snap. _

It was all Thor could hear.

Thor wanted the comfort of his friends, but couldn't bring himself to be in their presence of long. Whenever he looked at them empty eyes stared back. They were a ghost of the people he once knew, and it was all because of him. He should have gone for the head. Thor had been the last one to go up against the Mad Titian. He saw Thanos snap his fingers. All he could do was watch. Stupid. He should have gone for the head, or at least chop off the gauntlet before killing him.

Thor had only gone into the room the rest of the team was in to get something to drink. He had no intent of joining their meeting. It would have done him no good. It just would have brought all the darkness hiding within him a chance to conquer his mind. Thor hadn't intended to listen to Stark's panic. He couldn't even hear most of what he said, but when he had mentioned a stone being handed over to Thanos in order for him to live, Thor knew he had to get out of the room. The fact that Loki had done just that to save Thor, just came crashing back down on Thor.

He had stormed out of the room and out of the building. Lightning radiated off his chest, from the tips of his fingers, and from the whites of his eyes. It was at a point at which he couldn't control it. Thor couldn't see where he was even heading. All he could see was what had happened upon the _Statesman_ and the face of Thanos as he snapped his fingers. Somehow Thor had ended up on the roof. How? Thor wasn't sure. He wasn't even aware that's were he sat, for he was witnessing all the death that had followed him on a loop.

The lightning still courses around Thor, but he paid it no mind. He was the god of thunder, yet he couldn't even keep his power at bay. It was a manifestation of everything Thor kept locked deep inside of him. If Thor himself couldn't bring himself to let it out, the lightning would do it for him. Maybe an hour or so later the the clouds above grayed over; the faintest drops of rain came pouring down. Rain was the tears he would not shed and the lightning was the violent rage that toiled under his skin.

Thor heard the familiar buzz of the Iron Man suit before he saw it. The lightning slowly fizzled down till only small tendrils racked at his fingers.

"Next time the generator goes down, I'm giving you a call," Tony spoke as he landed next to Thor. "Gotta say, this is a real nice setup you have here. It's like your presence is just one big giant umbrella."

Tony's words held some truth. The rain that came falling down didn't come anywhere near Thor. There was a large circle in diameter that was strictly dry while all it's surroundings lay damp. It was both a blessing and a curse.

Thor stared blankly at the downpour. "I know how you feel, Stark," Thor murmured. Tony glanced over to see the glassy eyes of his friend. Not for a second did Tony doubt Thor's words. For the first time this week Tony was not alone. Both the genius and the god had been spared, but at the cost of trillions suffering. If it could be the other way around, the two would accept it in a heartbeat, but the universe doesn't give you what you ask. For the universe has greater plans, and sometimes suffering is the only way to achieve greatness.

"At least we've got each other."

__

**Author's Note:**

> This is cross posted on Wattpad. I have the same username there as I do here.


End file.
